She Ain’t Never Had a Friend Like He

№ 38 of 💯 — What will your pleasure be?

Bob Merckel
3 min readApr 18, 2022


Photo by Clement Percheron

Six years ago, Angie spent an entire weekend in the bath.

It began as a quick getaway from the kids. “Mommy’s gonna take a little bath,” she said, “you guys watch Barney.” It pained her, but that purple antichrist was a godsend.

“If you need anything, Daddy’s in the backyard working on the RV.”

Fucking Barney. Once upon a time she swore the “I love you” earworm would never crawl near her house. She sadly admitted defeat, and had let that bloody tune twist its way in deeper than Khan’s little creature into Chekov’s ear.

She did hold onto her promise to never feed them McDonald’s.

For a while.

She fished the Happy Meal toys out of the tub and slunk into the steaming water, plopping half a Lush Bath Bomb as well. The broken ones couldn’t be sold, so her sister Margie would drop off remnants on her way home from the mall.

“This one’s special,” Margie had promised. “I think you’re gonna love it.”

But then again, Margie was a Nickelback groupie, so Angie took her with a grain of salt.

The water began to fizzle with a ferocity that Angie wasn’t used to.

It was a perfume she didn’t realize. Exotic. Smokey. A hint of musk.

The steam from tub swirled up like smoke. A gentle cyclone of powder-blue mist and … what, what was happening?

A 6’3” blue genie materialised from the effervescent water. He was stunning. Like something out of the anime porn she used to beat off to in college.

“Ooof, lush is right,” Angie sighed.

“You have three wishes, m’lady,” said.

“Fuck me,” she whispered, not realizing he’d construe that as her first wish.

“Once you go blue, you’ll want no other hue,” he gurgled.

He slid down between her legs, holding his breath longer than she could ever have imagined. Or dreamed.

Not long after that weekend of bubbly bliss, her kids, like their mother, found a new set of toys to play…



Bob Merckel

Editor: Age of Empathy, The Memoirist | English teacher/language consultant in Barcelona and Provincetown.